A guide to understanding all those confusing investor terms we keep hearing
- CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer
- CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer
- BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
- BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex
- VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower
- P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing
- BROKER: What my broker has made me
- STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell
- STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock
- STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves
- FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone has been disconnected
- MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks
- CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down from your bank account
- INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse
- PROFIT: An archaic word no longer in use
Tags: amp, Asset, Assets, bank, bear market, broker, bull market, Buying, cash, cash flow, cashflow, ceo, cfo, correction, financial planner, house, institutional investor, Investing, investor, Investors, law, lawyer, life, market, Money, mrd, plan, profit, rate, Selling, stock, Value
